Last night I dreamed my dumpling fell in the water. We had been swimming and he suddenly wasn't above the water anymore. I dove under and found where the water dropped off. He was there trying to grab my hand. I pulled him up but he was unconscious and not breathing. I calmly put him on the ground and begain breathing into his mouth to try and revive him. Dribbles of water poured out of his mouth and he coughed and then was okay again.
It reminds me of a very similiar dream awhile back, with a purple goo ocean instead of water. I was standing waist deep in it with drowning children all around. I was methodically plucking the babies out of the goo and reviving them then passing them off to someone on shore.
I think it is my way of controlling the things that I fear. I am worried about a lot of things in my life-I endlessly try and plan how to take care of them. The water is always my 'fear' and I guess in my dreams I get some practice controlling it by saving the children from it.
I am going to start some modeling for a guy who advertised in the paper. Mostly nude but tasteful work from his portfolio. It doesn't pay really well but a bit of extra cash would be really useful. It will be fun too I think. I really thought my husband would protest more, but he seems to think it is fine. I believe inside his fairly animal male brain, that the fact that his wife is modeling reaffirms social hierchy in a wierd way. A beautiful mate makes him a stronger more desirable, worthy man. The fact that someone would want to photograph his wife reffirms the fact that others think she is beautiful outside of himself. By saying-my wife is modelling-it submits all types of odd social messages. In reality I think the photographer will pretty much take photos of anybody willing to pose for him. He did ask me if I have any corsets though... corsets are kinda cute.
Started yoga seriously again. It does such amazing things to my posture after just one session. By making my back ache, it reminds me that the muscles that give me good posture are there. Throughout the day I find myself engaging the muscles there and making my posture better as to not slump so much. My mom has an extra vertebra in the region where they connect to your ribs. I would guess this means she has an extra set of ribs as well. Not nearly as uncommon as you'd think. I am built almost identically to her so likely I have one extra as well. Makes stregthening my back really important as with an extra vertebra you introduce lots of weakness.
Trying to meditate as well everyday. I am also reading more about Kashmir shavism as it is enlighteneing but complicated. Found an interesting blog sight where lots of hinduism in discussed. It makes me reflect on what I have learned and as always readapt and rethink.
My project at work finally started working. Two years and something finally worked. The day after I find out I am getting another job likely, I find out the project might actually go somewhere from here. Likely I'll get an authorship but it just the success at last that is so satisfying. I in no way want to stay and finish my Ph.D. but it makes me feel good about my efforts.
