Ahhh, finally the sun is out again and I can return from hibernation to post in my diary. I get so distracted and it is hard to post in a diary when we only have one computer and my husband would so make fun of posting in a diary.
It has been so sunny the last few days. And as usually I have suddenly had so much energy. Returning to texas was a good choice as I really can't take the dark MI winters. Even here I got tired and sleepy andhad no sex drive at all.during the dark months. Now all my plants are peeking out again-okay they are all really green and most of them were green all winter. It is Feb 22 and it is basically early summer on a MI scale. I love the way the dirt smells and the trees . Even the bugs are all good. I just want to rub my hands through it all and bring all the yummy plant roots and stuff to the surface. If I didn't live on a fucking rock that is. The house is totally on limestone so I had to bring all the good dirt from the forrest down the hill and mix in some peat so I can grow most plants.
Work is fun. I have a lot of good talks with Sunny about personality, creativity and what makes us who we are. I honestly never throught I was very creative or spontaneous. Till I was away from my family and around people who really accept me. They think I am crazy but they accept me without much question. I honestly expected to have to be a conformist out in the real worll but it seems that these guys are more open to different types of people than the academics. Like in academics we were all similiar. I was more of a feeler than most of them so I seemed flaky-I am. However they were such skeptics and so critical-not intentionally but just inhearently. They cannot let illogical things slide past the radar. If it isn't true it must be pointed out, analyzed and corrected. I say many things that aren't necessarily logical. wow I think I just spelled necessarily right. Sometimes logic is overrated. More about that later. At any rate, my new companions are very different-INFJ (people pleasing mom like kindest, most giving but with some set ideas about things), ENTP (keen, open to wide ideas, talkative, very flexible), ISTJ (talk about wierd), and ENTJ (my lover of protocols and correctness. So we can viably discuss things like tarot cards without an immediate condemnation. Logic isn't always required. There are even some republicans at work. Talk about having to be open minded and understanding of others differences.
I think I like handwriting better than spelling as I can just slur over mispellings a bit easier.
So I have started to have fun god thoughts as of late. I have been reading some on string theory and complexity theory. The string theory purports to understand how things work at 10-33 meter. I guess it all gets kinda funky down there. At any rate it looks like you have to have more than four dimensions to make that work well-like ten or so. Even more entertaining is the idea of these twistor things that Roger Penrose invented. Acording to that theory we are the complex conjugate of a real and imaginary dimension. What imaginary space would be like could be interesting.
So then complexity theory talks about basically the fact that you can't predict the way a complicated changing system will behave by studying its smaller parts. The whole seems to be more than the sum of its parts. You have a system with millions of interlocked "gears" which will have many small movements, a few medium size movements and the occasionally large scale explosion. Earthquakes, avalanches, traffic, piles of grain, weather all follow these statistics.
So we may have dimensions floating around, interweaved somhow in our daily exsistance but unobservable and we can't really predict how a dynamic system will behave because the sum is greater than its parts. It seems like combining those two definitly leaves room for god somewhere in the mix or at least things far outside of what we as humans can easily "see".
I at work of course, cause that's what they pay me for, :) conducted a statistical analysis of horoscopes the other day. It seems like you can match up a given horoscope with a given person with a much higer probibility than random. Sunny got 5 out of 7 and D got 4 out of 7. Granted it is small but leans toward some significance. I tried myself matching the in laws up but it seems flawed as thier inpenetrable will likely prevents astrology from playing any role in thier future. They are tough ass people.
So I moved on to Tarot cards- When using the whole deck I got answers that made sense and that I didn't like. It told me things about me and what others might think of me. It freaked me out a bit so I waited a few days to try again. This time the results seemed skewed. Later I realized I had dropped one of the cards in my car and didn't have a whole deck. The lady at the store said that would make a difference(they sold me a sample deck so she checked the count).
So could it be that there really is more to the whole than we can see. Anias nin seemed to realize you couldn't force the world to become like you so you make a place for yourself that works for you. You create your own world. The world may be much more adaptable and malleable than we realize. Could it be as the kasmiri shaviates thought, that we are god and god is us. That by defining what we are and "creating" our own reality by our beliefs, we could alter the "whole" by some large or small amount. How much can we change what is around us by our thoughts, feelings beliefs. How truley focused and enlighted will I have to be to use things like tarot and horoscopes to peer under some outer layer I can't "see " past. How enlighted before I can alter that?
