As Fi becomes more and more aware (?) of its surroundings, i just feel pain much of the time. It hurts. No acute, but a chronic underlying ache. A pending sorrow.
I need to feel that pain and allow it to change me, to morph me, to grow. Is it really pain or is it simply emotion which doesn't have a proper name? I can play the "pain game" in which I acknowledge my pain-then decide my pain is actually something else-rename pain. Thus pain becomes a cloud, a pitcher of tea....It allows me to reshape the emotive response and then do things with it. Like pour my pain into cups over ice, and then take those glasses and hand them to different people.
Oh, wait, they are all back and are pain again. Hehehe, I guess I need a better, more meaningful image. The pain shapes my mind....
Friday, July 16, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
The Wheel of Functions
The more I learn and the more I watch others, I keep seeing the same frustrations arise across typological categories-specifically across the (TeFi)/(TiFe) divide, regardless of which function order predominates. Call it type bashing if you'd like.
Rather than reaching a place of understanding and mutual forgiveness of the others' differences, understanding the diffs in the jungian functions seems to lead to a more venomous dislike of those who use the other function classes. I just see more and more frustration-hypersensitivity?
An example:Fi judges others actions on its own value set, why get angry at an Fi user for doing so? Instead point this out to them and then counter with why your function combination does not do so... An attempt at education?
The same could be said for Ti seemingly being mean to an Fi user, Te being bossy and dominating to an Fe user, or Fe feeling controlling to a Te user.
As a group we should be better than folks in the real world at forgiving and attempting to understand others who differ from us. Instead we seem to be an order of magnitude less forgiving.
Why is this?
Do we assume that once the other understands, they should be able to change?
Do we expect they will not keep behaving according to type-even once they understand the "flaws" of said type?
How much change can you expect from another type?
Rather than reaching a place of understanding and mutual forgiveness of the others' differences, understanding the diffs in the jungian functions seems to lead to a more venomous dislike of those who use the other function classes. I just see more and more frustration-hypersensitivity?
An example:Fi judges others actions on its own value set, why get angry at an Fi user for doing so? Instead point this out to them and then counter with why your function combination does not do so... An attempt at education?
The same could be said for Ti seemingly being mean to an Fi user, Te being bossy and dominating to an Fe user, or Fe feeling controlling to a Te user.
As a group we should be better than folks in the real world at forgiving and attempting to understand others who differ from us. Instead we seem to be an order of magnitude less forgiving.
Why is this?
Do we assume that once the other understands, they should be able to change?
Do we expect they will not keep behaving according to type-even once they understand the "flaws" of said type?
How much change can you expect from another type?
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Playing with Ti
I felt the need to post this somewhere. It was utterly bizarre.
On christmas day I found I could enter a Ti state. An NeTi state? I dunno... I could do so by looking to the upper right, then dropping my eyes and linking them into one focal point. Very quickly my mind developed a concerted focal point. Things outside of this point were disregarded as irrelevant.
I spent all day this way. I had more fun with my XSTP in-laws than I ever have before. It felt cutting and mean but amazingly in tune with them. I could cut back at them as sharply as they could cut towards me. It was amazing fun.
My mom called in the evening and emo dumped towards me. My reaction-instead of sadness-I felt extreme annoyance that she would dump her emotions towards me. She should have delivered the message in a way to gently ease it to me, and instead used it as a way to emotionally manipulate me.
Things of note-a sense of isolated excellence. The assumption that of course I know what I am doing and of course I am excellent at it. Fuck the other. If they disagree who gives a fuck as they are irrelevant. A sense of arrogance, disdain towards external opinion.
My thoughts felt isolated and individualized. I am alone with them and how can you even begin to think you could appreciate or understand them, let alone replicate them. In the past every ENTP user I have ever spoken to laid charges of presumptious upon me trying to understand their minds. Now I know why.
It feels so individual. selfish, isolated, individualized.
Yesterday evening the strangest thing happened. I laid down to go to sleep and told my son a story about deers a forrest, flowers. As I closed my eyes, I felt the strangest sensation.
I felt a very distinct sense of "OTHER" in my mind. Like someone else was knocking on the backdoor of my mind and they were not pleased. Specifically the back right corner of my head. Distinctly unhappy to say the least. A distinct feeling of external influence. It felt so real, and they almost spoke. I shut down the sensation before they could speak. However it was a woman's voice and she said "You are ignoring me". I totally freaked out. It felt like a very dominant strong woman.
At this point I got out of bed, then took a shower, and consciously tried to extend/relax to Ti of my mind into the area of Fi.
The sensation of having a split body-left vs right was very strong.
So to go from ENFP to INFJ takes work and effort.
To go from ENFP to ENTP took far less work-but twisted my brain into very strange places and introduced a personality fight.
On christmas day I found I could enter a Ti state. An NeTi state? I dunno... I could do so by looking to the upper right, then dropping my eyes and linking them into one focal point. Very quickly my mind developed a concerted focal point. Things outside of this point were disregarded as irrelevant.
I spent all day this way. I had more fun with my XSTP in-laws than I ever have before. It felt cutting and mean but amazingly in tune with them. I could cut back at them as sharply as they could cut towards me. It was amazing fun.
My mom called in the evening and emo dumped towards me. My reaction-instead of sadness-I felt extreme annoyance that she would dump her emotions towards me. She should have delivered the message in a way to gently ease it to me, and instead used it as a way to emotionally manipulate me.
Things of note-a sense of isolated excellence. The assumption that of course I know what I am doing and of course I am excellent at it. Fuck the other. If they disagree who gives a fuck as they are irrelevant. A sense of arrogance, disdain towards external opinion.
My thoughts felt isolated and individualized. I am alone with them and how can you even begin to think you could appreciate or understand them, let alone replicate them. In the past every ENTP user I have ever spoken to laid charges of presumptious upon me trying to understand their minds. Now I know why.
It feels so individual. selfish, isolated, individualized.
Yesterday evening the strangest thing happened. I laid down to go to sleep and told my son a story about deers a forrest, flowers. As I closed my eyes, I felt the strangest sensation.
I felt a very distinct sense of "OTHER" in my mind. Like someone else was knocking on the backdoor of my mind and they were not pleased. Specifically the back right corner of my head. Distinctly unhappy to say the least. A distinct feeling of external influence. It felt so real, and they almost spoke. I shut down the sensation before they could speak. However it was a woman's voice and she said "You are ignoring me". I totally freaked out. It felt like a very dominant strong woman.
At this point I got out of bed, then took a shower, and consciously tried to extend/relax to Ti of my mind into the area of Fi.
The sensation of having a split body-left vs right was very strong.
So to go from ENFP to INFJ takes work and effort.
To go from ENFP to ENTP took far less work-but twisted my brain into very strange places and introduced a personality fight.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Living Fe from an Fi perspective
Fe is succinct. And spells words correctly.
Having an Fe mask is energy conserving.
NeFi never stops adapting to the "other". Everything we feel, we project externally. We hide nothing. However that constant metamorphosis requires significant energy. I don't "see" the other because I "feel" the other. It is exhausting and painful sometimes.
How to describe Fi... Fi is mistlike. It engorphs the other, captures all of their minutia, internalizes them, seeps into all of their nooks and crannies, caresses them, not with the eyes or the hands. With the soul. Fi feels magical. It is boundless. When people talk about an aura, they are talking about Fi. NeFi seeks to become one with the" other" and loose itself it the patterns of the "other". Like drowning in an ocean
From the Fi perspective, using Fe is is fascinating. A new perspective. Please note my below description may be flawed as I "cheat" to taste Fe.
(NeTe is also watching, observing, catagorizing, but quietly, under the radar, as to not quench Fe. It finds Fe daintiness hysterical. NeTe is laughing its metaphorical ass off.)
Fe, when in full bloom, is beautiful waves that gently collide. It plays without words. I don't have to say what I mean as the other Fe user already knows. Unspoken conversations with the eyes.
To share unpleasantness, the voice volume drops, becomes softer, the eyes and face silently convey a problem. The face angles to the right. Fe wants to know about your family. Your thoughts. Your problems. Can it help you, feed you, exhibit benevolence towards you?
However-Fe feels "for you". It doesn't "feel you" like fi does. Thus Fe is not inherently painful.
I cannot emphasize how wonderful this is. To carefor you, but to not suffer for you. Fe actually supresses and quenches Fi. This is delight.
The weirder aspects?
Fe is dainty, nesty, a bit prissy. Things must be a certain way. Fastidiously clean and neat (and since you are conserving energy by not emo groping others with Fi, you actually have energy to clean.). Fe likes nice things. Fe notices tiny details indicative of quality. Fe is a maybe a little snobby.
Fe is a mute button. Fe in full bloom introduces gaps in speech, pauses. Thoughts. must be phrased. In the proper. Sense. Using the right word matters. Fe serves as a translational filter to rework the message to generate the correct contextual message. Fe says I should not post this. It finds it both rude and too honest, far too open. It says too much, and pulls too much attention from the societal conversation, of which it should only be a small piece.
Fe loves formality, civility, ceremony. Every gesture, hand movement, blink, every modification of the mask is a symbol, a sign, important to be correctly performed. Details, delicacy matter. Read CJ Cherryh. She creates entire Fe societies in some stories.
Unpleasant?
Fe finds loud, direct behavior to be uncouth, rude, disruptive, unsettling. Even simple direct statements seem too blunt, too course, thus unsophisticated, even somewhat offensive. Always soften messages...
Fe comes with exclusivity. It reads the faces of Te and Fi users and finds them too open, too childlike, too niave. There is a dance going on around them, amongst them, that they do not perceive. They keep missing steps.... As I said, a bit snobby...
Having an Fe mask is energy conserving.
NeFi never stops adapting to the "other". Everything we feel, we project externally. We hide nothing. However that constant metamorphosis requires significant energy. I don't "see" the other because I "feel" the other. It is exhausting and painful sometimes.
How to describe Fi... Fi is mistlike. It engorphs the other, captures all of their minutia, internalizes them, seeps into all of their nooks and crannies, caresses them, not with the eyes or the hands. With the soul. Fi feels magical. It is boundless. When people talk about an aura, they are talking about Fi. NeFi seeks to become one with the" other" and loose itself it the patterns of the "other". Like drowning in an ocean
From the Fi perspective, using Fe is is fascinating. A new perspective. Please note my below description may be flawed as I "cheat" to taste Fe.
(NeTe is also watching, observing, catagorizing, but quietly, under the radar, as to not quench Fe. It finds Fe daintiness hysterical. NeTe is laughing its metaphorical ass off.)
Fe, when in full bloom, is beautiful waves that gently collide. It plays without words. I don't have to say what I mean as the other Fe user already knows. Unspoken conversations with the eyes.
To share unpleasantness, the voice volume drops, becomes softer, the eyes and face silently convey a problem. The face angles to the right. Fe wants to know about your family. Your thoughts. Your problems. Can it help you, feed you, exhibit benevolence towards you?
However-Fe feels "for you". It doesn't "feel you" like fi does. Thus Fe is not inherently painful.
I cannot emphasize how wonderful this is. To carefor you, but to not suffer for you. Fe actually supresses and quenches Fi. This is delight.
The weirder aspects?
Fe is dainty, nesty, a bit prissy. Things must be a certain way. Fastidiously clean and neat (and since you are conserving energy by not emo groping others with Fi, you actually have energy to clean.). Fe likes nice things. Fe notices tiny details indicative of quality. Fe is a maybe a little snobby.
Fe is a mute button. Fe in full bloom introduces gaps in speech, pauses. Thoughts. must be phrased. In the proper. Sense. Using the right word matters. Fe serves as a translational filter to rework the message to generate the correct contextual message. Fe says I should not post this. It finds it both rude and too honest, far too open. It says too much, and pulls too much attention from the societal conversation, of which it should only be a small piece.
Fe loves formality, civility, ceremony. Every gesture, hand movement, blink, every modification of the mask is a symbol, a sign, important to be correctly performed. Details, delicacy matter. Read CJ Cherryh. She creates entire Fe societies in some stories.
Unpleasant?
Fe finds loud, direct behavior to be uncouth, rude, disruptive, unsettling. Even simple direct statements seem too blunt, too course, thus unsophisticated, even somewhat offensive. Always soften messages...
Fe comes with exclusivity. It reads the faces of Te and Fi users and finds them too open, too childlike, too niave. There is a dance going on around them, amongst them, that they do not perceive. They keep missing steps.... As I said, a bit snobby...
God? Can I play?
I have considered believing in god. Not because I need a god but instead because it is a save place to direct love. You cant o wrong loving an amorphous, non existant entity. It wont leave dirty shoes on the floor or take up living space or food. It also is responsible for its own bills. The downside would include a lack of snuggletime, sex and spooning, however unlimited love may make up for that....
I dunno, maybe I just need another dog.
I dunno, maybe I just need another dog.
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